Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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