There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
