quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
