Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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