The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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