I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
