if you like me you must not know who I am
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
