haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i now understand why vodka
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
