he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I will be naked everywhere
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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