I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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