I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
