We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize