Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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