god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
