I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize