My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
