Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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