I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
