Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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