is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
