Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
