Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
