I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
