Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
