I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
