How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
