I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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