I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
