Your dad touched me again.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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