Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
