I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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