Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
