There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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