I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize