How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
