Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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