No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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