he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
