I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize