Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
barbara walters just said penis...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
