fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Moan for me like Helen Keller
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
