You smell like a Billy Joel song
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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