Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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