It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
