I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
