I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
