sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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