I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize