Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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