I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
