My nipple is on Facebook.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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