I should be sponsored by Trojan
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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