tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
