$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need a burrito and a hug.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
