you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
