I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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