So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
