dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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