You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dear god my vagina.
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