So drunk its hurt
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
