remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
