a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
