its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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