I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I supernannyed him into submission
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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