I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Mom said you looked used
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
