now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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