The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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