I love black thongs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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