wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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