she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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