I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
