1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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