remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
