Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
