your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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