And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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