I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
