..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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