How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you never un-have a 4some
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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