I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
