Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
