no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
