Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
