Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
