it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
