You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
