Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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