he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
please come you make the beer taste better
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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