and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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