At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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