i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
