made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
