quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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