Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i think i just lost a toe
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
