I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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