im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
