I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
