I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
