New low: just hacked my moms facebook
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
