Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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