I've blown a few things in my day
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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