i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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