Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
