alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
