Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
