i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
