we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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