I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
