While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
