At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize