Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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