doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Mom said you looked used
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
