Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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