Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Randomize
