You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize