Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
