You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
